Red Red Rose

O, my luve is like a red, red rose,
O, my fondness is a plant, messy with hazardous thorns
That's newly sprung in June.
That has miraculously been found growing in the gut of that woman from number 42
O, my luve is like a melodie,
O, my fondness is like that song... you know the one
That's sweetly play'd in tune.
That sounds rubbish in the wrong key, when Dave sings it at karaoke

As fair art thou, my bonie lass,
As even handed as you try to be, my skinny friend
So deep in luve am I,
I'm drowning in fondness
And I will luve thee still, my dear,
And it'll probably keep being like that
Till a' the seas gang dry.
Until someone pulls the plug out and all the fondness drains out

Till a' the seas gang dry, my dear,
I'll say it again love, in case you missed it - until someone pulls the plug out and all the fondness drains out
And the rocks melt wi the sun!
And there is a catastrophic solar accident, causing massive global warming
And I will luve thee still, my dear,
And I'll still fancy you
While the sands o life shall run.
'Til my egg timer signals it's time for the soldiers to go in

And fare thee weel, my only luve!
And you're the only one I'm seeing, honest, so be cool
And fare thee weel, a while!
And I'll be back shortly
And I will come again, my luve,
And I promise I'll come back as soon as I can
Tho it were ten thousand mile!
Even tho I'm in New Zealand